Why can't I just tell my boyfriend what I want??
Question: For example, if I want him to kiss my neck, I don't feel that I can just tell him that it's what I want. There are a number of things that I just wish he would figure out on his own and it's causing stress on my end of the relationship. I feel like if I tell him, even if he did do what I wanted him to, it wouldn't be nearly as special . Of course, this is mostly affecting our sexual intimacy.
Am I just really shy in this aspect? Or is it a woman thing? Am I just hungry for attention? Impatient? I have no idea! I'm very comfortable around him, but there are some things that I just don't WANT to tell him! I just want him to figure it out on his own... It drives me crazy because he never seems to figure these things out unless I tell him audibly.
This is a really weird situation and I have no idea why I'm like this or what could become of it. That's just the straight-up truth and I need some guidance.
Answers: He won't just figure it out . There is a middle ground, though. You want him to do something, but you want him to figure it out.
Do what you want him to do to you, to him. You want him to kiss your neck, kiss his and be very affectionate about it. Some men are more intuitive than others, but most men are not that intuned to what a woman wants.
If he still does not get the message then offer up the part of you body, non verbally, that you want him to spend time on. Men are non-verbal and will take visual queues.
I'm not a fan of discussion either, it makes closeness a little too clinical, so lead by example ;)
-Doug
Maybe you are afraid of what he will think and/or do. Just trust yourself and tell him what you want.
He wont figure it out on his own. It will never happen. Because you are not saying anything, he thinks that he is doing a fantastic job. And like the saying goes, if it aint broke, dont fix it. So unless you speak up, enjoy what he is giving you now, because that is all you will get.
Ask him what turns him on? What would you like me to do?
Then maybe he'll respond in kind.
For sorry yr boy friend not take good care of u,cuz if he feel what u feel so no need to tell him any thing..
I wonder how he be with u without doing any thing..If I am yr boy friend I will kiss u from top to bottom :)
what if he's desperate for you to do something that he really wants but doesnt want to ask you either? Then where is your relationship heading...2 unsatisfied people that could both be perfectly happy if the lines of communication were opened, up to you
I used to be like that. I was very passive and couldnt talk about anything I wanted. When I married my husband (now ex), I was always let down because he is not a romantic person. I got to the point where I wasnt afraid to tell him what I wanted and he still wouldnt do it but when we were in a fight he would do everything that I loved. I think guys do have a sense of what we want but sometimes they can play dumb. On the other hand, you do have to explain some things because everyone is different but you should feel comfortable talking to him.
Come right out and tell him!! Just say: You know what I would love right now ? Kiss me right there!! He's not going to figure it out on his own. And if he really loves you, he should want to turn you on. You can ask him if there's anything special you can do for him. This relationship is not going to work, unless you're perfectly open and honest about EVERYTHING. He can't read your mind, and if there's gonna be any future in this relationship, you have to love making love with him. Otherwise you're doomed. I must give you one bit of advice: On your wedding day, whenever that will be, you should have NO DOUBTS. I know what I'm talking about. Good luck! :) -L
I have this too. I think it's because women are so much more intuitive that they usually can tell what another wants. Can you usually tell what he wants? And we get annoyed when the man we are with isn't the same way. But we are more intuitive because we deal more with babies and humans whereas men (in evolutionary sense) would go out hunting and return wanting a good lay.
Maybe also you are more intuitive than the average person. I am, as I am am a Intuitive' on the Myers Brigg scale and I've always been able to read nuisances in behavior and emotion well. When another doesn't speak this 'obvious' launguage that you do, it's bound to frustrate you.
I don't really know how to help anymore than this, though. Sorry.
Put on something leather and TELL him what you want, I think that would work for me. Yeah, that would definately work for me ; )
he it never going to figure it out on his own you are going to have to tell him, but what you can do is either take his hand or face and move it there as you move, its tricky but if he is going and kissing and turned on he will get the hint the other thing you can do is tell him when something feels good tell him with words or make a noise men love that, then he will get it and move around tell he has you make that same sound , and if he does that , he will start there every time.
Well you're not alone, I'm the same way with my guy some times. I use to be a lot more like it in the beginning of our relationship but I've toned it down to where I don't let it stress me as much anymore. I think it is simply that you are a romantic and your guy is not. While it may come natural to you to do these special little things, he may just not be made that way. If you really care for him and want to make it work, you'll have to learn to accept him the way he is but if you really feel you need those special moments in your life to be happy, you need to look for someone who enjoys giving them.
LadyLynn said it all - he can't read your mind!!! Speak up or Break up!!!
Am I just really shy in this aspect? Or is it a woman thing? Am I just hungry for attention? Impatient? I have no idea! I'm very comfortable around him, but there are some things that I just don't WANT to tell him! I just want him to figure it out on his own... It drives me crazy because he never seems to figure these things out unless I tell him audibly.
This is a really weird situation and I have no idea why I'm like this or what could become of it. That's just the straight-up truth and I need some guidance.
Answers: He won't just figure it out . There is a middle ground, though. You want him to do something, but you want him to figure it out.
Do what you want him to do to you, to him. You want him to kiss your neck, kiss his and be very affectionate about it. Some men are more intuitive than others, but most men are not that intuned to what a woman wants.
If he still does not get the message then offer up the part of you body, non verbally, that you want him to spend time on. Men are non-verbal and will take visual queues.
I'm not a fan of discussion either, it makes closeness a little too clinical, so lead by example ;)
-Doug
Maybe you are afraid of what he will think and/or do. Just trust yourself and tell him what you want.
He wont figure it out on his own. It will never happen. Because you are not saying anything, he thinks that he is doing a fantastic job. And like the saying goes, if it aint broke, dont fix it. So unless you speak up, enjoy what he is giving you now, because that is all you will get.
Ask him what turns him on? What would you like me to do?
Then maybe he'll respond in kind.
For sorry yr boy friend not take good care of u,cuz if he feel what u feel so no need to tell him any thing..
I wonder how he be with u without doing any thing..If I am yr boy friend I will kiss u from top to bottom :)
what if he's desperate for you to do something that he really wants but doesnt want to ask you either? Then where is your relationship heading...2 unsatisfied people that could both be perfectly happy if the lines of communication were opened, up to you
I used to be like that. I was very passive and couldnt talk about anything I wanted. When I married my husband (now ex), I was always let down because he is not a romantic person. I got to the point where I wasnt afraid to tell him what I wanted and he still wouldnt do it but when we were in a fight he would do everything that I loved. I think guys do have a sense of what we want but sometimes they can play dumb. On the other hand, you do have to explain some things because everyone is different but you should feel comfortable talking to him.
Come right out and tell him!! Just say: You know what I would love right now ? Kiss me right there!! He's not going to figure it out on his own. And if he really loves you, he should want to turn you on. You can ask him if there's anything special you can do for him. This relationship is not going to work, unless you're perfectly open and honest about EVERYTHING. He can't read your mind, and if there's gonna be any future in this relationship, you have to love making love with him. Otherwise you're doomed. I must give you one bit of advice: On your wedding day, whenever that will be, you should have NO DOUBTS. I know what I'm talking about. Good luck! :) -L
I have this too. I think it's because women are so much more intuitive that they usually can tell what another wants. Can you usually tell what he wants? And we get annoyed when the man we are with isn't the same way. But we are more intuitive because we deal more with babies and humans whereas men (in evolutionary sense) would go out hunting and return wanting a good lay.
Maybe also you are more intuitive than the average person. I am, as I am am a Intuitive' on the Myers Brigg scale and I've always been able to read nuisances in behavior and emotion well. When another doesn't speak this 'obvious' launguage that you do, it's bound to frustrate you.
I don't really know how to help anymore than this, though. Sorry.
Put on something leather and TELL him what you want, I think that would work for me. Yeah, that would definately work for me ; )
he it never going to figure it out on his own you are going to have to tell him, but what you can do is either take his hand or face and move it there as you move, its tricky but if he is going and kissing and turned on he will get the hint the other thing you can do is tell him when something feels good tell him with words or make a noise men love that, then he will get it and move around tell he has you make that same sound , and if he does that , he will start there every time.
Well you're not alone, I'm the same way with my guy some times. I use to be a lot more like it in the beginning of our relationship but I've toned it down to where I don't let it stress me as much anymore. I think it is simply that you are a romantic and your guy is not. While it may come natural to you to do these special little things, he may just not be made that way. If you really care for him and want to make it work, you'll have to learn to accept him the way he is but if you really feel you need those special moments in your life to be happy, you need to look for someone who enjoys giving them.
LadyLynn said it all - he can't read your mind!!! Speak up or Break up!!!
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